Negotiation and Strategy in Education and Life
“Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never fear to negotiate.” —John F. Kennedy
Assertiveness.
The very word - assertive - can give us mixed feelings. Is an assertive person strong? Demanding? Irritating? Asking too much? Confident? Someone we can respect. It all depends on why that person is assertive and the context in which it occurs.
When it comes to your child, or a child you are advocating for, whether as a parent/child advocate, a medical provider, a teacher, or a therapist, you are asking as a voice for the voiceless. Children in general are the most vulnerable of society without legal capacity of their own and in a system in which they rely upon others to make their needs known. Children with disabilities have an even higher threshold of need that is often not going to met unless adults actively advocate and intervene to ensure that their needs are met.
Being assertive means being clear, concise, and forthright about what is needed for a child. It means not backing down unless it is a compromise that you believe can be made. It means not fearing negotiation, disagreements, or the uncomfortable moments when a room is silent because it also means that you are standing up for the needs of a child.
In order to negotiate anything in life, you need to act with grace, respect, a clear head, and be unafraid to act if the school is not meeting your child’s needs.
IEP Negotiation Quick-Tips
Be solution oriented (before walking in the door): Before your child’s IEP meeting, go over what your child needs. Preparation is always key. If there is an area of need and what you may be asking for is something that you think may cause conflict think of potential solutions ahead of time. For instance, if your child needs Extended School Year (ESY) services and you know the school is short staffed or doesn’t have a good summer program (despite its legal obligations) bring up camps, 1:1 private tutoring, and multiple alternatives that can be considered. If the answer to one option is no, you can bring other others that may get you to yes.
Be considerate and listen to other positions. Listening to others positions, doesn’t mean that the positions of others are right, but it is important to listen, ask questions, and keep from becoming defensive. By asking questions and listening you may be able to better negotiate because you see their view or their flawed logic. It may also give you insight into what a teacher is experiencing with a school corporation, so that you know you need to go higher up to get changes made. For instance, someone telling you at an IEP that they don’t have the authority to commit a 1:1 aide, should be met with the question why? What do we need to do to have that occur? Keep asking questions, taking notes, and always be diplomatic - even if you have to leave early to do so. (Someone with the authority to commit resources has to be at the meeting in accordance with the requirements of the IDEA).
Do not be distracted by issues that are outside of the meeting. Your child’s IEP meeting is a planning meeting for the next year to discuss educational and functional goals, services, placement, and present levels. Do not spend the time at that meeting talking about issues that are not important, critical, or are personal.
Focus on the end goal. If your biggest concern is your child’s placement, don’t spend time arguing about the need for another reading goal. That doesn’t mean that the additional reading goal is not critical and necessary, but if the school is trying to move your child to a placement you do not agree with, then you should focus on that issue, and not multiple other ones. You can call another IEP conference to go over goals once you have agreed on placement.
To successfully negotiate you must recognize which of your interests are similar to the other party and which are adverse and act accordingly.
To successfully negotiate, you must know what you want, why you want it, why your child is entitled to it, and what you will settle for and what compromises you are willing to make. This is before you walk in the door.
There is a difference between collaboration and negotiation fundamentally changes how we approach a situation and how we respond to it. If parents are taught that IEP meetings are collaborations many of them will come away sorely disappointed and frustrated. If they are taught it is a negotiation they will be prepared and ready to understand the process.
You are not collaborating with a school, you are negotiating with them for the most services you can negotiate them into providing for your child. Just because their interests are not the same as yours does not meet they are not interested in helping you meet your child’s needs but their stake in the game in much different.
Top Three Negotiation Tips:
Make sure school personnel clearly understands your child’s disability.
You may be the negotiating equivalent of Nelson Mandela but if your child’s teacher does not understand what an auditory processing disorder is than you will be out of luck if your goal is a good plan in an appropriate environment.
Always come to an IEP meeting prepared.
Yes, this is more than providing your school with copies of a doctor’s note or other relevant information. Like coming to a test when you haven’t reviewed the material, if you arrive at an IEP meeting unprepared to discuss the issues, goals, or needs of your child, it is likely you will not be a full participant and may end up not getting your views heard.
Know what your child needs, why they need it, why they are entitled to it, and what compromises you are willing to make.
There is nothing that can cause more frustration than knowing that something is wrong, not working, or inappropriate, but not knowing how to fix it. Parents often become emotional and school personnel defensive when you encounter these issues in an IEP. The problem with this scenario is that it often results in a frozen program with the school and the parents with repeating or similar goals, piecemeal modalities and programs, and untrained staff providing additional service minutes in an attempt to appease the parents without true progress. If your child needs a certain educational modality, bring the data to ask for it and the data that shows what modalities have not worked in the past, and why you want the school to utilize this method.
Dealing with Conflict.
Once a conflict hits—whether you have just received your child’s IEP and it contains a notes section that includes none of your voiced concerns, received an early pickup call from school, or have heard “no” at an IEP conference when you simply asked for appropriate services—it can be helpful to remember you are in this for the long haul.
Your focus needs to be on clarity and not having a knee-jerk reaction. I use this myself, frequently—reminding myself that this too will pass. In those moments when you are dealing with something that is not right or fair or is harmful or downright ridiculous, it is helpful to take a step back and make a concrete list of the problems and potential solutions. It is also helpful to remember some of the dos and don’ts of dispute resolution.
Do:
Manage your emotions
Be proactive but not reactive
Actively listen
Assert yourself with clarity and diplomacy
Communicate face-to-face as much as possible
Be aware of body language in parent-teacher meetings and IEP meetings
Take an advocate with you if you cannot clearly or unemotionally convey needs
Requests documents with simple emails
Be clear as to the issue
Get everything in writing
Don’t:
Get defensive
Stop communicating
Avoid the issue
Allow your emotions to get the best of you
Send numerous emails to teachers and staff